So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
