Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This is the high leading the old right now
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I am never drinking with the goths again.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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