Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
