You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
