she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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