I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
