When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
