Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I fill condoms, not promises.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
