Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
