I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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