Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
