no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize