Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
