How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
