Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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