Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
