i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She bit a glass in half.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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