Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Is this like a preordered booty call?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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