So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
