you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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