You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
