I hate all girls vehemently.
Small penises have feelings too.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
