ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize