This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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