That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
