ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
