Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
