I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
