i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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