Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
