Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Four minutes until I can fart!
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
