Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
