Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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