the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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