I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
