I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
