Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize