i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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