I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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