he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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