just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you inspire me to be a worse person
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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