So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
