So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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