your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Someone shit on the floor
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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