You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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