the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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