Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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