Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
