yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
