he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
why do cheetos always look like penises
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
