I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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