I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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