i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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