i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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