Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
