Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
