Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
