I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
