Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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