if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
