i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
