Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
