He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
