You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
