That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
