Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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