I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize