I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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