I got chris browned last night
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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