Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
