I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
