the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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