She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize