Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
