I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize