why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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