im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
