i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
