No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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