my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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