I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
