I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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