i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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