so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
