Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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