I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
