yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
