just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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