It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
