My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
