dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
