did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
