Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
