i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
