i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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