I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
