How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i've created a new STD.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
