The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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