We're facebook friends in real life
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
