wanna go halves on a baby?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
