he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize