____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
