Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
