imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
