I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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