The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
