first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
They have beer where we have blood.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
