Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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